


I was lost, and then I found you (again)

by Rose_SK



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Discussion of Abortion, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abortion, M/M, Past Abortion, Past Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Triggers, kind of a happy ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 02:51:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13988925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_SK/pseuds/Rose_SK
Summary: Tumblr Prompt: Harry accidentally sleeps with Draco the night before his wedding to Ginny and is now very confused and unsure what to do.





	I was lost, and then I found you (again)

“Ladies, gents, creatures of all kinds, we are all gathered here today under the banner of love to celebrate the union of Mr Harry James Potter and Ginevra Molly Weasley…”

It was wrong. Harry knew he should not be doing this, not when he did not love Ginny. Last night had given him proof that he could not possibly have any romantic feelings at all for her, or else he would not have done what he did. Because when you love someone with all your heart, the kind of love that Harry had to profess today in front of all their friends and family, you don’t cheat on them with your fling from school. And not any fling, but Draco Malfoy at that, the arch-nemesis of nearly everybody at Hogwarts. 

So, what now, Harry? Is this it? Do you want to disappear and never speak to anyone ever again, act like this never happened and start your marriage with a big fat lie? These were the questions that had tormented Harry all night long after Draco had fallen asleep on Harry’s chest. He had missed this. He had missed seeing Draco as his lover. He had missed being the only one allowed to witness Draco’s vulnerability. And the man had looked like an angel when he was sleeping. He had looked innocent and fragile. He looked like everything Harry wanted to have for the rest of his life. 

“… and it is my greatest honour to be marrying my dearest sister to my best friend. Harry, you are truly an amazing guy and I think Ginny will be very happy with you” Harry smiled tensely, which onlookers might have mistaken for nervousness but which was in fact embarrassment. He was ashamed of what he had done and moreover, he was ashamed of his feelings for Draco. Emotions he had not felt for Ginny since high school and which he had probably felt only in high school. The tall ginger looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face. Could she be aware of what had transpired the night before? 

“Ginny, ever since you were a little girl you have been the greatest annoyance in my life” Scattered giggles and chuckles were to be heard from the audience, but Harry did not feel humorous. “And as you grew up you became even more of a nag and even started hitting back” 

Harry looked at the crowd, hoping to see… well, him. He recalled his own words the night before. If you care about me, come get me. I will run away with you, Draco. And his heart broke all over again when he remembered Draco’s cold expression and the equally cold reply: You will lose everything, Potter, and resent me for it in the years to come. And frankly I don’t feel like I deserve that kind of uncertainty in my life. Would Harry have resented Draco had he lost everything for the sake of running away with him? The confused man had pondered that question all night and the answer was, no. He would be happy with Draco, he knew that he could only be truly happy with Draco. But how could he possibly tell him that now? 

“But now that you’re an adult and about to get married, I realise that I would give anything to go back in time and let you beat me up. I love you, Ginny, and I don’t think anyone would make you happier than Harry, my best mate, my brother at heart… well that makes things sound very awkward somehow” More nervous giggles were to be heard from the crowd, but for Harry what Ron had said just reflected his own feelings for Ginny. He loved her, here was no doubt about that, but he loved her the way he loved Ron and Hermione. He loved Ginny as a sister, and saw the Weasleys as his family, yes, but his adoptive family. He could not marry Ginny anymore. His feelings had changed. 

“Anyhow, I’m repeating myself when I say that it is my greatest honour to marry my best friend to my sister. But enough chatter from me. Harry, Ginny, some of your friends wanted to pay you a tribute. First on is my sexy girlfriend Hermione” Ron smiled widely when a visibly embarrassed Hermione stood up and walked up to the altar. This smile reminded Harry so much of how he felt around Draco. 

“The key to happiness is knowing that you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go” Hermione began her speech, making Harry’s heart ache with sorrow. He knew he was letting Draco go and keeping Ginny, but all for the wrong reasons. “Harry and Ginny have accepted each other and let the demons of the past go. Too often have these two had to suffer the loss of loved ones and the immensely heavy burden of war. But now, their happiness can truly begin. I am so proud to be able to call you my best friends. Congratulations Harry and Ginny” The audience broke into cheers, but neither Harry nor Ginny for the matter seemed particularly touched or emotional. Harry was convinced that his wife-to-be knew that something was off. He did not dare cross her eyes. Only when he felt her tense up did Harry look up from the floor.

“Harry”, she whispered for his ears only, “what is Malfoy doing at our wedding?” Harry’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of his lover. Discreetly so as to not rise suspicion, Harry looked at the crowd and finally he saw him; at the very back of the room, Draco leaned against the wall, wearing sunglasses so people would not recognise him straight away. Harry felt like running to the blond man and kiss him in front of everyone to end this masquerade. He did not care if people hated him, he did not care at that instant who would stop talking to him. He knew that if his friends and family truly loved him, they would forgive him, in time. 

“Harry?”

“I invited him, you know, to try and bury the hatchet of war, but… I never expected him to actually come” Harry had never been an exceptionally good liar, but in this instance, he prided himself. 

“You invited him without telling me?” Ginny seemed to buy it, but something about her attitude was still off. Harry decided to brush it off. 

“Can we talk about this later, love?”

“Next one up is the woman who took care of Harry as if she was one of her own, I give you the one and only Molly Weasley” Ron announced loudly upon which everyone cheered once again. Molly approached and broke into tears when she hugged both her daughter and her future son-in-law. This was so wrong. Ron was right, Harry was like a son to Molly. This was wrong. He could not marry his adoptive sister. He had to get out of here. Harry shot Draco a desperate look hoping the blond would pick up on his distress, but he did not seem to take Harry on. 

“I don’t have much to say apart that I am so proud of the two of you. And Harry, welcome in the family” Molly said, affectionately placing her hand on Harry’s cheek before returning to her seat. That was Ginny’s cue to address him once again. 

“What is up with you? You look distracted”

“I... nothing, sweetheart” Harry’s lies were sounding less convincing now. Ginny looked at him intently and interrupted Ron in yet another one of his announcements. 

“Excuse me, but Harry and I will be back in a couple of seconds.” Without warning, Ginny grabbed Harry’s arm and dragged him behind the altar, leaving a shocked audience and a shocked Ronald Weasley. Meanwhile, Draco stood at the back of the room, as silent as a shadow.

“Harry, what is up? You’ve been acting weird since yesterday afternoon when you just disappeared one hour before your stag party. What happened? Where were you until this morning?”

“I…” realising he was trapped, Harry thought that he might as well come clean, “Ginny, don’t you think all of this feels weird? Don’t you think that Ron emphasising that we were raised like siblings is awkward? It makes me feel like… like I’m marrying my sister” Ginny raised her eyebrows in surprise and seemingly struggled to understand what Harry was implying. 

“We,… we can ask Ron to refrain from making that link…”

“It won’t change the fact that I … just don’t love you like that, but rahter like a sister. And I’m sorry, but I can’t marry someone I consider to be my sister, even if we are not biologically related…”

“Harry…” Ginny began, her face closing and tears welling up in her eyes, “does the fact that Malfoy is here have anything to do with where you were last night?” In that moment, Harry panicked and felt cold sweat run the back of his neck. 

“Ginny, why would you come to that conclusion?”

“Oh please, everyone knows that you and Draco had a fling in eighth year at Hogwarts. So, I’m going to ask you this one last time, is he here for a reason? And does that reason involve why you disappeared last night?” Harry did not answer. Ginny swallowed back her tears as realisation hit her. 

“I won’t tell anyone, Harry, because that has to come from you. But you’re right, we can’t get married. Not because you love me as a sister, but because you love someone else, full stop.” Ginny turned around and walked back to the Burrow, throwing her bouquet on the grass and leaving Harry behind. After what seemed like hours, Ron appeared next to Harry. 

“Mate, what happened?”

“Wedding’s off, Ron. Excuse me…” and with a flash, Harry disappeared. 

000000000000000

“Ehm, guys I’m afraid that eh… the wedding is off for the time being. I am sorry for the inconvenience, but please help yourselves to the buffet and to some refreshments…” 

Draco’s heart leaped in his chest at the announcement, not that he would let that show. He had to keep low if he did not want to cause a scene. Inconspicuously, the tall blond left the shelter of the tent and appeared back into his London flat. He would have loved to say that he felt bad for making Harry doubt himself and his decisions, but he didn’t. And the reason was that Harry had asked him to come and get him. And although Draco had not done so in a grand romantic gesture, he had come. And that had obviously been enough for Harry to tell Weaselette the truth when she had pulled him out of sight. 

“I told her” Draco spun around abruptly when he heard Harry’s voice address him, not expecting to see his lover in his flat. “Well, I didn’t tell her but she managed to put two and two together. Why did you do this?” Draco’s expression turned from pleased to incredulous. 

“Pardon?”

“WHY DID YOU DO THIS?” Harry shouted at him, kicking Draco’s leather couch in frustration and advancing towards the now taken aback blond, “WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU WON’T COME AND STILL SHOW UP? WHY WOULD YOU BREAK MY HEART AND THEN STILL DECIDE TO SHOW UP? THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, DRACO, THAT’S NOT HOW IT fucking works…” His voice broke when he spoke these last words, and out of the blue Harry merely inches away from Draco, hitting his firm chest and sobbing uncontrollably. Draco was unsure what he was supposed to feel at this instant, whether he was sad, mad, sad-mad, or just annoyed. Draco managed to grab Harry’s wrists in his strong hands, effectively putting a stop to the hitting and forcing Harry to make eye contact with his lover. 

“You said if I came to get you you’d run away with me”

“And you said you didn’t want to take the risk of me resenting you” Harry replied miserably, almost choking on his own tears, “you were scared, as always. You hid behind an emotionless wall, like you always do. You were a coward when I needed you to be brave for the two of us. Why would you do that?” Draco’s heart broke upon hearing those words. 

“I was scared, Harry… “

“I have lost so much during the war and even long before that, I needed to know that you loved me and that you would support me if my friends hated me to start with. And you were selfish, only thinking about yourself!” Those words hurt Draco even more, and his uneasiness was replaced with anger. 

“And you truly think that you, Harry Potter, Saviour of the Wizarding World, are the only person who lost something or someone as a result of the war? Well, in that case your Highness, let me illuminate you, the only person who is being selfish right now is you, and no one else.”

“How dare you…”

“Oh, I dare alright! Now it’s my turn to talk, Potter, so listen carefully because I will not repeat myself.”, Draco finally let go of Harry and shakily brushed his hand through his platinum blond hair. “Apart from losing my last ounce of goodness after becoming a Death Eater to help my family, and then losing my father because he was imprisoned, and furthermore losing my mother, whom I loved more than anyone else, to her own insanity… After the war, I lost something far more precious, something I thought I could never have” Draco’s tone was dangerously calm, which started to scare Harry ever so slightly. 

“I lost you! To Weaselette, at that. You might not recall this, but you left me for her because you did not want to keep our relationship a secret. But what you did not understand is that I was keeping it a secret to protect you. I had nothing to lose, my reputation has been tarnished forever the day I decided to accept the Dark Mark. But you Harry, you had all the doors open and I could not bear to be the reason why some of those doors would close on you. But you know what else I lost when you walked away?” Harry shook his head. 

“I was pregnant! And before you say anything, I never told you because one, I did not want you to stay out of pity and two, I did not want you to blame yourself as you so often do. Because it was my decision to let you go, and it was my decision to give the baby up. Not yours, I gave you no choice, so you are not to blame for any of it. So, the next time you try hitting me with your “I lost so much because of the war” bullshit, remember that you are not the only one who has” 

Tears were streaming down Draco’s face now. And Harry did not know what to do with himself such was his shame and sorrow at Draco’s revelation. A baby. They could have had a baby? And they had lost it all. Because both had made mistakes. Romeo and Juliet style, lack of communication had destroyed their happiness. Harry felt like screaming. 

“Look at us”, he said eventually, feeling numb inside. “Look at us, fighting again. It’s the only thing we know how to do right.” A sad humourless smile appeared on Harry’s lips. 

“Yeah”, Draco admitted, “I guess at least we do something right, huh?”

“It doesn’t have to be that way tho, Draco. How about a fresh start?” 

“And how would you hope to achieve that? Too much has happened, we can’t just forget twenty years of our lives…” Draco sounded desperate, but Harry heard the silent wish for a solution. 

“I don’t know yet. But a wise wizard once told us that we are as strong as we are united, and as weak as we are divided…”

“Dumbledore”, a look of shame and regret flashed through Draco’s eyes. 

“Yes. So, let’s be united, Draco, and we will find a solution somehow. What do you say? Partners?” Harry asked, extending his hand for Draco to shake. The tall blond looked at his raven-haired counterpart and for an instant, Draco again was petrified with fear and uncertainty. How could he learn to trust his own judgement again, after losing so much, after making all the wrong decisions? Why would this time be any different than the last? In that moment, Harry’s words resonated through his mind: You were a coward when I needed you to be brave for the both of us. And right there and then, Draco decided that he would stop being a coward and softly intertwined his fingers with Harry’s.

“Partners.”


End file.
